Unknown (via stephanietorno)
I just want to find him.
All of my life I’ve had this idea that there’s going to be this man to come and sweep me off my feet. And I don’t mean in a fairy tale, damsel in distress kind of way, I just mean, he’s going to love me. As simple as that, he’s going to love me. And I don’t mean that corny, high school, puppy dog love, I mean the kind of love that’s so strong that I can feel it in every inch of my body, that kind of love that makes me see the beauty in myself, the kind of love that makes me want to get up every morning and live, the kind of love where I don’t know how I lived life without him, and now that I do, I couldn’t imagine life without him, the kind of love that makes me realize I didn’t know what love was until then. That kind of love that my friends don’t understand, that crazy kind of love, that love where if my only purpose in life was to be with him in that moment, that would be enough. Love. This is what love is supposed to feel like. Love isn’t supposed to be a game. It isn’t supposed to be superficial. It shouldn’t have an agenda attached to it. It shouldn’t be selfish. Love should be beautiful. Love should comfort, love should understand, love should heal, love should love.
Everyone always says “wait and be patient, God will send the right one when it’s time,” and as much as I really want to believe that, when one has been hurt time and time again, it’s easy for ones faith to deplete. It’s easy to become discouraged. Hey, after all we are all human. At this point, it’s easy for me to think that that kind of love doesn’t exist. That kind of love is some sort of ancient myth. That kind of love is what you see in movies, not in real life. That kind of love will never happen to me. The concept of someone wanting me so badly it actually hurts, someone willing to do anything to make me happy, someone willing to give up their life for me is so unrealistic in my mind, it’s actually quite comical. And picturing myself finding that person that I crave day and night, that person that I want forever and always, that person that I can give my all to is also hard to grasp.
But yet I still want this. I want the stupid hand holding, and Instagram pictures, and cuddling. I want the late night talks and random acts of affection. I want cheesy dates and corny jokes. I want the little gifts we give each other for no reason. I want the type of nights where we don’t even have to talk, but being in each other’s presence is enough. I want the kisses with so much emotion you can taste it on your tongue. I want not simply sex, but love making. I want to feel connected with that person mind body and soul. I want laughter. I want joy. I want passion. I want love.
Is this too much to ask?
Sometimes I feel as if I’m being unrealistic. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt that when God makes one person, he makes another person to complete them, a soul mate if you will. It’s as if our hearts are a puzzle and there is one piece missing and once we meet that person we are complete. I’m sure that’s putting too much dependence on one human being, but the Bible does say “It is not good for man to be alone.” But with the world that I live in today, I wonder if those words are true. With all of the pseudo love, the people who “love” for money, the people who “love” for fame, the people who “love” for sex, is anyone capable of real love? With all the divorces and breakups I see, I wonder if true love exists anymore. Hey, maybe it does, and it’s just harder to find than all of the faux love in this world. But, that causes me to fear that I will live and die without ever knowing what it meant to love and to truly be loved. And that, well, that is something that scares the shit out of me.